One step forward, one step back... within a few minutes of posting last night, Maia had an episode of extreme pain. It seemed like FOREVER waiting for the nurse to get her medication. The neurosurgeon came in around 11pm to say that the infectious disease people didn't think it was necessary to continue the antibiotic irrigations of her brain. They feel the IV antibiotics are providing the appropriate coverage. He said that at this point, they are just happy that Maia has not "deteriorated." UGH, that doesn't sound optimistic.
She had a pretty good night. Shortly after waking up this morning, Maia had more pain. Initially, I was able to calm her down by just stroking her face and talking to her. But after a couple of episodes, I asked for more IV pain medication so that we could stay on top of it. She is resting comfortably at the moment. Right now, we're waiting for the docs to round. Not sure what plan for today is.
And now for my musings...
Every morning, I spend a little time with God. Read a devotion and Bible verses, pray, etc. Earlier this year, I went through a period of about two months where my devotions were continuously talking about trials, difficulties, trusting in God. Honestly, I read them and wondered what He was trying to tell me. I remember thinking "This really doesn't apply to me right now, God. There aren't any major difficulties in our lives, we're doing pretty well. Why are you speaking to me in this way?"
Of course, now it makes perfect sense. God was preparing me for this time in our lives. He was trying to tell me that rough patch was ahead. It reinforces for me that nothing happens that our heavenly Father isn't aware of, that Maia's illness is NOT a surprise to Him. God is in control and although I don't understand, what I am required to do is to lean on Him. This morning, my devotional was talking about what God asks of us in difficult times. We are to focus on Him, not the problem. If we focus on the problem, we become overwhelmed and full of fear. If we focus on God, He can fill us with His peace and assurances. He can remind us that He is with us even in the midst of this pain and uncertainty. He is faithful and He is the giver of life. He loves our sweet girl even more than I do (which is difficult to imagine - lol) and He cradles her tenderly in His arms when I can't.