Fall 2013
Showing posts with label Our adoption story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Our adoption story. Show all posts
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Adoption Portfolio - the important stuff!
I started looking more closely at the adoption portfolio file that I had uploaded and realized it is missing some very important information - a welcome to those reading it, as well as our journey to adoption and plans for parenting. I've uploaded those documents - unfortunately, they are in a separate file for now. When I get them combined into one, I will update the link - but for those of you who looked at our adoption portfolio before - be sure to check out the new link. You can click here or in the upper left corner of our blog. This will give you a little better idea of how we came to adoption and how we view the future with our child.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Adoption Portfolio
I've been hoping to share our adoption portfolio for a while and finally figured out how to link to a pdf file on the blog. You can view it by clicking on the link in the upper left corner of the home page. Enjoy!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Domestic vs International? God has a sense of humor - Part 2
If you haven't read the previous post, you may want to start with that - this post will make more sense if you do! :)
One day I poured out my heart to my friend Chris in an email. When she responded, I was caught off guard by the subject line “slight butt kicking.” What the heck? She told me to go back and re-read the email that I had sent her – she had made some comments as well. In summary, Chris gently told me that although I was claiming that I wanted to do God’ s will – there was no sign of that anywhere in my email, it was all about me trying to create the right situation for us. She asked why I wasn’t trusting that He would bring our child to us instead of me searching for our child. Wow – at first, I was stunned! Then, I stopped and took a deep breath. Chris was right and I needed to hear that message. I wanted to control the situation instead of trusting that God was in control. For about 24 hours, I pondered that and was thankful to her for calling me on my behavior. But, old habits die hard… the next day, I was feeling that urge to begin looking for the right child again.
I talked with a co-worker friend who adopted her daughter. Sara listened as I shared my frustration and sadness – I was really struggling with the lack of direction. In order to start the adoption process, a couple has to make a choice between domestic and international programs because the home study and paperwork is different depending on which program you select. We couldn’t even get things started without choosing and how was I supposed to trust God to work without starting the process? After a thoughtful conversation with Sara and some prayer, I really felt like God was leading us back to domestic infant adoption. The message He sent me was VERY clear – “how can I work a miracle for you if you won’t give me the chance? You are so busy trying to control the situation that you aren’t allowing me the opportunity to bring your child to you?”
Yes, Lord – I hear you! What a sense of peace I felt after that. So, I shared my feelings with Mark. He agreed and we decided that we would submit our application to Catholic Charities. Becky - the social worker – had been the least concerned of anyone we talked with about our age as a barrier. Catholic Charities is local and was also highly recommended by someone I know who has used this agency twice and was very happy with them. We felt that this was our best option as we moved forward.
So, as I kept praying for Mark’s heart to be opened – it was. But, God was just as busy (and maybe even more so) working to change my heart. I think sometimes He must just laugh and shake his head at me saying, “What am I going to do with you?” There is some irony and a fair amount of humor in the fact that we basically came full circle in our decision making process. But after working through all of this, it now feels “right.” I am still hopeful that an international and/or possibly special needs adoption may be part of God’s plan for us some day. But for now, we are right where God wants us to be. And so the journey continues…
One day I poured out my heart to my friend Chris in an email. When she responded, I was caught off guard by the subject line “slight butt kicking.” What the heck? She told me to go back and re-read the email that I had sent her – she had made some comments as well. In summary, Chris gently told me that although I was claiming that I wanted to do God’ s will – there was no sign of that anywhere in my email, it was all about me trying to create the right situation for us. She asked why I wasn’t trusting that He would bring our child to us instead of me searching for our child. Wow – at first, I was stunned! Then, I stopped and took a deep breath. Chris was right and I needed to hear that message. I wanted to control the situation instead of trusting that God was in control. For about 24 hours, I pondered that and was thankful to her for calling me on my behavior. But, old habits die hard… the next day, I was feeling that urge to begin looking for the right child again.
I talked with a co-worker friend who adopted her daughter. Sara listened as I shared my frustration and sadness – I was really struggling with the lack of direction. In order to start the adoption process, a couple has to make a choice between domestic and international programs because the home study and paperwork is different depending on which program you select. We couldn’t even get things started without choosing and how was I supposed to trust God to work without starting the process? After a thoughtful conversation with Sara and some prayer, I really felt like God was leading us back to domestic infant adoption. The message He sent me was VERY clear – “how can I work a miracle for you if you won’t give me the chance? You are so busy trying to control the situation that you aren’t allowing me the opportunity to bring your child to you?”
Yes, Lord – I hear you! What a sense of peace I felt after that. So, I shared my feelings with Mark. He agreed and we decided that we would submit our application to Catholic Charities. Becky - the social worker – had been the least concerned of anyone we talked with about our age as a barrier. Catholic Charities is local and was also highly recommended by someone I know who has used this agency twice and was very happy with them. We felt that this was our best option as we moved forward.
So, as I kept praying for Mark’s heart to be opened – it was. But, God was just as busy (and maybe even more so) working to change my heart. I think sometimes He must just laugh and shake his head at me saying, “What am I going to do with you?” There is some irony and a fair amount of humor in the fact that we basically came full circle in our decision making process. But after working through all of this, it now feels “right.” I am still hopeful that an international and/or possibly special needs adoption may be part of God’s plan for us some day. But for now, we are right where God wants us to be. And so the journey continues…
Domestic vs International? God Has a Sense of Humor - Part 1
On an earlier post, I said I would share the story of how we came to our decision to pursue domestic adoption. It’s truly a story that shows how God works in our hearts and also a story that proves He has a sense of humor. But, I will warn you – it’s a fairly long story – I’m going to split it into 2 posts.
When Mark and I first started looking at adoption, we could not have been further apart in our thoughts about what road we should take. Mark felt very strongly about domestic infant adoption. On the other hand, I was drawn to international adoption and very much wanted to adopt a child from Eastern Europe or Russia. Ok, drawn may not be a strong enough word – those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I can be fairly opinionated and stubborn when I want my way.
I wasn’t completely opposed to domestic adoption, but as we met with various agencies none of them seemed encouraging about our chance of a birth mom selecting us. The “ideal” age for adoptive parents is between 25-35. We are “older” – Mark is 45 and I am 39. We are not a “Barbie and Ken” couple. My fear was that a birth mom would look at our photo, see our ages, and not be able to get past those two things to see how much we have to offer. With domestic infant adoption, you really are at the mercy of being chosen by a birth mom. I was concerned that a year from now, we would not be any closer to adopting than we are today. Mark was hesitant about adopting internationally. Travel time, cost, and cultural issues were big on his mind – and justifiably so. He is definitely the more practical one in our relationship and I tend to act more from an emotional standpoint. His opinion was that if a birth mom could just see what a great life we can give a child, of course she would choose us.
After a lot of discussion, but no decisions I decided I was going to be very blunt with Mark. I told him that we had 2 options – we could take our chances with domestic adoption – knowing that there was the possibility that we would not get a child or we could pursue international knowing that if we followed the process, it would just be a matter to time until we had a referral. After some thought, Mark agreed that maybe domestic wasn’t the best route for us and we should begin looking at international options. God was already starting to work in his heart.
I was excited! I set out to look at what countries we qualified for and what our best options were. Mark was still hesitant to consider Eastern Europe/Russia because of the previously mentioned concerns. We met with a couple more agencies – talked with families who had adopted internationally, narrowed down our options. Because Mark was still hesitant, I was praying that God would open his heart. I began looking at some of the African countries. Fees were reasonable and travel time was also feasible for Mark. However, he had reservations about – not about loving a child of a different race, but concern about if that child would suffer with very “white” parents and if there would be acceptance issues in our predominantly white, small town community. Again, I was praying that God would open Mark’s heart while still looking at other options he might be more open to. Then, in one of my frequent visits to Reese’s Rainbow, I came across a sibling pair that caught my eye. A little boy and girl – 2 and 3 years old needed a family. Oh, my goodness – here was the opportunity to have my little girl and Mark’s little boy all in one shot. There was just one concern – the little girl is HIV positive. To me, it wasn’t a big deal – we just handle it. However, I knew Mark would have reservations so I gathered as much knowledge as I could, praying again for his heart to be open. To my surprise, he didn’t say “no.” He did raise issues that I hadn’t thought of – insurance coverage, medical expenses, and most important to him was my emotional ability to deal with an ill child who might die.
Hmmm – once again, I was having to take a step back and consider additional issues (God was opening my mind!). As we talked through all of this, my heart was really hurting – Mark and I just didn’t seem to be on the same page at the same time – nothing felt RIGHT. It was extremely difficult for me. I really needed a sense of direction and to know where God was leading us.
When Mark and I first started looking at adoption, we could not have been further apart in our thoughts about what road we should take. Mark felt very strongly about domestic infant adoption. On the other hand, I was drawn to international adoption and very much wanted to adopt a child from Eastern Europe or Russia. Ok, drawn may not be a strong enough word – those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I can be fairly opinionated and stubborn when I want my way.
I wasn’t completely opposed to domestic adoption, but as we met with various agencies none of them seemed encouraging about our chance of a birth mom selecting us. The “ideal” age for adoptive parents is between 25-35. We are “older” – Mark is 45 and I am 39. We are not a “Barbie and Ken” couple. My fear was that a birth mom would look at our photo, see our ages, and not be able to get past those two things to see how much we have to offer. With domestic infant adoption, you really are at the mercy of being chosen by a birth mom. I was concerned that a year from now, we would not be any closer to adopting than we are today. Mark was hesitant about adopting internationally. Travel time, cost, and cultural issues were big on his mind – and justifiably so. He is definitely the more practical one in our relationship and I tend to act more from an emotional standpoint. His opinion was that if a birth mom could just see what a great life we can give a child, of course she would choose us.
After a lot of discussion, but no decisions I decided I was going to be very blunt with Mark. I told him that we had 2 options – we could take our chances with domestic adoption – knowing that there was the possibility that we would not get a child or we could pursue international knowing that if we followed the process, it would just be a matter to time until we had a referral. After some thought, Mark agreed that maybe domestic wasn’t the best route for us and we should begin looking at international options. God was already starting to work in his heart.
I was excited! I set out to look at what countries we qualified for and what our best options were. Mark was still hesitant to consider Eastern Europe/Russia because of the previously mentioned concerns. We met with a couple more agencies – talked with families who had adopted internationally, narrowed down our options. Because Mark was still hesitant, I was praying that God would open his heart. I began looking at some of the African countries. Fees were reasonable and travel time was also feasible for Mark. However, he had reservations about – not about loving a child of a different race, but concern about if that child would suffer with very “white” parents and if there would be acceptance issues in our predominantly white, small town community. Again, I was praying that God would open Mark’s heart while still looking at other options he might be more open to. Then, in one of my frequent visits to Reese’s Rainbow, I came across a sibling pair that caught my eye. A little boy and girl – 2 and 3 years old needed a family. Oh, my goodness – here was the opportunity to have my little girl and Mark’s little boy all in one shot. There was just one concern – the little girl is HIV positive. To me, it wasn’t a big deal – we just handle it. However, I knew Mark would have reservations so I gathered as much knowledge as I could, praying again for his heart to be open. To my surprise, he didn’t say “no.” He did raise issues that I hadn’t thought of – insurance coverage, medical expenses, and most important to him was my emotional ability to deal with an ill child who might die.
Hmmm – once again, I was having to take a step back and consider additional issues (God was opening my mind!). As we talked through all of this, my heart was really hurting – Mark and I just didn’t seem to be on the same page at the same time – nothing felt RIGHT. It was extremely difficult for me. I really needed a sense of direction and to know where God was leading us.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
A Little History
For those of you who know us well, this is probably not new information. But for those of you who we don't know as well or those who are visiting our site for the first time, Mark and I wanted to give a little background of what has brought us to this point. We'll probably share more specifics as we go, in the meantime - here are the basics.
Mark and I met in January 2005. We dated for about 6 months and he proposed in July of that year. Since neither of us were getting any younger (I was 35 and he was 42), we knew that we wanted to start a family right away. Our wedding took place on a chilly (ok, downright cold) October day and people are still talking about the memorable occasion.
We assumed that pregnancy would come easy for us. Unfortunately, that was not the case. For a while we took a laid back approach just enjoying being newlyweds and hoped that getting pregnant would just happen. After 3 years of marriage and much discussion, we decided that we wanted to find out why it wasn't happening. Mark and I went through a fertility work-up with the sobering news that pregnancy was unlikely to be an option for us. Even if I did become pregnant, the chance of complications and high likelihood of miscarriage resulted in our doctor's recommendation that we pursue adoption if we were serious about becoming parents.
To make a long story short (I'll share the long story another time), we have chosen domestic infant adoption as our current path to parenthood. We know that there are many singles and couples out there with the same dream and that our chances of finding a birth mom are in God's hands. When I first began to pray about our infertility issues and His plan for our lives, I clearly heard a message from God. I continue to hear that message every time that I pray for His direction and assurance. Mark and I may not know any of the details, but God does. He has told us "You will have your child." And so our journey continues...
Mark and I met in January 2005. We dated for about 6 months and he proposed in July of that year. Since neither of us were getting any younger (I was 35 and he was 42), we knew that we wanted to start a family right away. Our wedding took place on a chilly (ok, downright cold) October day and people are still talking about the memorable occasion.
We assumed that pregnancy would come easy for us. Unfortunately, that was not the case. For a while we took a laid back approach just enjoying being newlyweds and hoped that getting pregnant would just happen. After 3 years of marriage and much discussion, we decided that we wanted to find out why it wasn't happening. Mark and I went through a fertility work-up with the sobering news that pregnancy was unlikely to be an option for us. Even if I did become pregnant, the chance of complications and high likelihood of miscarriage resulted in our doctor's recommendation that we pursue adoption if we were serious about becoming parents.
To make a long story short (I'll share the long story another time), we have chosen domestic infant adoption as our current path to parenthood. We know that there are many singles and couples out there with the same dream and that our chances of finding a birth mom are in God's hands. When I first began to pray about our infertility issues and His plan for our lives, I clearly heard a message from God. I continue to hear that message every time that I pray for His direction and assurance. Mark and I may not know any of the details, but God does. He has told us "You will have your child." And so our journey continues...
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