Fall 2013

Fall 2013

Saturday, June 23, 2012

So sad tonight

One year ago today, we were in Ukraine. At this very moment, we were asleep in our hotel room in Sevastopol. In a few short hours, we would be seeing Matthew for the first time as our son (more on that tomorrow).

This is a picture of Maia and I that was taken the day before - we were enjoying the water fountain at Independence Square in Kyiv before catching our evening flight to Sevastopol.

Oh, what a difference a year makes. Bringing our kiddos home was supposed to make their lives "better." Somehow, I feel as if I have failed my sweet girl. My heart is bleeding.


  1. Oh Melanie...I am sad as well reading that. Sad with you and sad for you. All this grief is really understandable, as this isn't the road you foresaw.

    Thanks to God that your girl is with you and Mark and Matthew. Thank God you have her, even with the challenges of today and tomorrow.

    But I totally get and witness your grieving of earlier days.

    Much love and many prayers to you dear friend. Tell that girl she is loved by an unending love and remind her mom of that as well tonight.

    XOXO Jane

  2. What if Maia had had this problem in her home country? Do you think they would have been able to pull her through? I think God in his wisdom knew she needed to be with you to be saved. She has you and her Daddy and her brother to push and pull her to healing. Thank you God for families and the strength of that love.

  3. Melanie, You have not failed anyone. You are a Super Mom and if Maia had stayed in Russia, she may not be on this planet right now. We can only imagine what you're going through but keep the faith that God put you in this circumstance for a reason that no one knows but He knows you are the right person to deal with it.
    I follow your posts every night and pray for you and your family that God will heal Maia and give all of you the strength you need to keep going until your family is at home and healed in God's plan.
    May God Bless All Of You!
    Marlene G.

  4. Sweet Melanie. You have not failed Maia. No, just the opposite. You have been there for her when she needed a mommy the most during her darkest hours during this trial. Can you even imagine her all alone in UA and having this happen? NO WAY!

    YOU and MARK have been her source of comfort, her rock, her mommy and daddy, her everything during this. NOBODY can do what you guys are doing for her. I'm praising God tonight that she was here and you were there for her when this happened. God knew this would happen, and that YOU and MARK were the only people in the whole world who could be there for Maia as her mommy and daddy.

    You have not failed her. Nope. You are exactly where God wants you to be. She has come so far already and will continue to make huge strides. She is a fighter! Keep your chin up. This may end up being a marathon rather than a sprint but that's okay. You can do this. Maia can do this. God brought you to this, He will see you through this. Love you my friend. Debbie

  5. Had she had this problem in her country of origin she may well not be here at all. You have enriched her life so much. You have in no way failed her. Just keep letting her know that you still see her and know she is in there, and that you love her just as she is, forever and always and no matter what.

    And be kind to yourself, too. Imagine what you would tell any friend who had found themselves in a similar situation. Give yourself what you would give your friend. Understanding and kindness.

  6. Melanie,my heart aches for you, for the sadness and grieving for all that has happened. Your daughter has been through so much. You and your hubby and Matthew have been through so much. Strange I was thinking about this recently and the answer I came to if this had happened to her in Ukraine she wouldn't have made it. God gave her to you because He has a plan for her life. You just don't know what the plan is yet. Hold onto hope and faith and Heavenly Father God. Blind Faith.
    Praying especially for you, Melanie, for peace, strength, renewed faith, and rest.
    Praying for Maia, claiming the victory for her, believing for healing and miracles.
    Praying for Mark and Matthew.
    Hugs to you all.
    Jacquelene L.

  7. Melanie, I read your blog every day but haven't posted. I'm an adoptive mom myself. You haven't failed your daughter. Failure would be abandoning her when things got hard or unbearable. Failure would be leaving her all alone in a strange place. Failure doesn't look like you. You have done all you can for Maia including trusting in a God that is in total control. I know you are heart broken for Maia, for Matthew, and for your family. Stay strong, Momma. God has good things in store. Take time to mourn all you've lost and know that things will get better. Many prayers for your family.

  8. Melanie, My heart aches for you. Your grief is so understandable. This is not what you envisioned last year, or even two months ago. However, you did not fail Maia. You are with her, you care for her physically and emotionally at all times, and you are helping her through this uncharted territory.

    Sadly, this grieving is a step in acceptance of the changes in all of your lives. You are grieving the loss of what was....a necessary step before you can move on with acceptance of what is. Please don't think this means you are feeling defeated and be disappointed in yourself.....instead you are arming yourself to be strong for the next phase of this battle. Having watched you go through the last terrifying weeks, I know you can do this and I know you will lean on God's promises and help.

    Again, I thank God that He planned for Maia to be your daughter. You love her, you are caring for her, and you will be there for her. Maia could not have survived this alone in an orphanage.

    I am praying for your peace, strength, and understanding. The road ahead is not the one you foresaw, and it is much rockier and steep. Please believe me when I say you, Mark, Maia and Matthew can walk this road together, and find joy in unexpected places. It is not all rocks ahead!

  9. You have not failed your sweet girl - had she still been in Ukraine with these medical issues, it is likely she would not have survived. Instead she is here with a loving family that has stayed by her side during the crisis and she has outstanding medical care. Maia is one blessed little girl with a loving family that will continue to see her through her life's journey. Sometimes we have to hang on really tight for this white knuckled ride called parenting kiddos with special needs, but I know through reading your blog that you will get through this breathholding stage of the ride and soon be in a more smooth section, so hang on tight and know that you have many people praying for your family.

  10. Oh how I wish I could reach into my computer and give you a hug. From where I am siiting you have NOT failed your little girl, not at all. She does have health issues, is likely regressing, but what she has now are HOPE, LOVE and FAMILY. Three very powerful things which would never have been available to her in an orphanage. There would have been no one who cared so much about her, loved her, prayed for her, advocated for her and is unconditionally accepting of her limitations if she never gets back to where she was before.
    You have shown that being a mother and loving a chld has nothing to do with giving birth or sharing DNA. You are walking proof of the adoption poem

    Not flesh o my flesh,
    Nor bone of my bone,
    Yet still miraculously my own
    Never forget for even a minute,
    You didn't grown under my heart,
    You grew in it.

    You are walking proof of unconditional love, of God's love for his children to me. Thanks to you and your husband Maia knows love, family, has hope and someone not willing to give up on her and will help her reach her potential whatever it looks like. That is what we all most desire isn't it, that we will be loved for who we are and not for our abilities ? You have not failed Maia at all, you have saved her. Were it not for you, this beautiful child who smiles despite everything would have been thrown in a back room worse than trash to live out her days as a breathing corpse. Because of you, despite the trails in her life, she knows love and that is the best thing that anyone of us can hope for regardless of our circumstances.

    Praying for you and her,

  11. The road of parenthood has so many twists and turns...and while there are guides and guidebooks, there really isn't an entirely accurate map.

    Those who venture down that road anyway, fully knowing that they do not - cannot! - completely know what lies ahead, have my admiration for their bravery, courage, dedication, and sense of adventure.

    I pray that your adventures - and those of your precious children - may be much, much happier in the days ahead.

    Thinking of you,
    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to 2 from EE


We love hearing from our bloggy friends, but please keep this in mind.
"By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~ Winston Churchill