Domestic vs International? God has a sense of humor - Part 2

If you haven't read the previous post, you may want to start with that - this post will make more sense if you do! :)

One day I poured out my heart to my friend Chris in an email. When she responded, I was caught off guard by the subject line “slight butt kicking.” What the heck? She told me to go back and re-read the email that I had sent her – she had made some comments as well. In summary, Chris gently told me that although I was claiming that I wanted to do God’ s will – there was no sign of that anywhere in my email, it was all about me trying to create the right situation for us. She asked why I wasn’t trusting that He would bring our child to us instead of me searching for our child. Wow – at first, I was stunned! Then, I stopped and took a deep breath. Chris was right and I needed to hear that message. I wanted to control the situation instead of trusting that God was in control. For about 24 hours, I pondered that and was thankful to her for calling me on my behavior. But, old habits die hard… the next day, I was feeling that urge to begin looking for the right child again.

I talked with a co-worker friend who adopted her daughter. Sara listened as I shared my frustration and sadness – I was really struggling with the lack of direction. In order to start the adoption process, a couple has to make a choice between domestic and international programs because the home study and paperwork is different depending on which program you select. We couldn’t even get things started without choosing and how was I supposed to trust God to work without starting the process? After a thoughtful conversation with Sara and some prayer, I really felt like God was leading us back to domestic infant adoption. The message He sent me was VERY clear – “how can I work a miracle for you if you won’t give me the chance? You are so busy trying to control the situation that you aren’t allowing me the opportunity to bring your child to you?”

Yes, Lord – I hear you! What a sense of peace I felt after that. So, I shared my feelings with Mark. He agreed and we decided that we would submit our application to Catholic Charities. Becky - the social worker – had been the least concerned of anyone we talked with about our age as a barrier. Catholic Charities is local and was also highly recommended by someone I know who has used this agency twice and was very happy with them. We felt that this was our best option as we moved forward.

So, as I kept praying for Mark’s heart to be opened – it was. But, God was just as busy (and maybe even more so) working to change my heart. I think sometimes He must just laugh and shake his head at me saying, “What am I going to do with you?” There is some irony and a fair amount of humor in the fact that we basically came full circle in our decision making process. But after working through all of this, it now feels “right.” I am still hopeful that an international and/or possibly special needs adoption may be part of God’s plan for us some day. But for now, we are right where God wants us to be. And so the journey continues…