Fall 2013

Fall 2013

Sunday, August 5, 2012

The parent I'm supposed to be

Maia and I were in the play room this morning. There were a couple of others moms who were there with their kiddos. A volunteer was helping kids with spin art. The cart for the spin art was tall so I picked Maia up out of her chair and held her so she could see what was going on. I could feel the other moms and their kids watching us. We finished our project and then sat at a nearby table, "playing" with a toy while I watched the kids make their projects. I choked back tears as I heard the kids choose their colors for the volunteer and talk to their moms about how cool it was. You see, that was the parent I was "supposed" to be. The parent of a child who functions at an age appropriate level, who is respectful, well-behaved, calm. You know... Cheerleader, class president, most likely to succeed, etc. When Mark and I began the process to adopt Maia, we knew that she had unique needs. And we gathered information about how best to meet those needs, feeling fairly confident that we could manage. Similar situation with Matthew. Like most parents, we had a pre-conceived notion of what our life would look like with these children in it. I had a picture in my mind of the parent I was "supposed" to be. Not only that, but I had a picture in my mind of the kids I was "supposed" to have. Pretty sure that those images and reality are not even remotely related. Not just for Maia, but Matthew as well. I often fail at being the parent that I want to be. And my vision of what the future looks like is entirely different today than it was 3 months ago. There are times when I struggle to understand why God chose this path for me, times when my selfish nature takes over, and I cry, whine, try to control as much of life as possible. I am guilty of trying to mold the kids in to who I think they should be instead of remembering that their Heavely Father created them. Given the fact that He made all of us in His image, that's pretty arrogant of me. God creates families for His purpose. And all situations can be used to glorify Him. He is the author of our lives and His ways are perfect. Just because a situation or circumstance doesn't look like I think it should, doesn't mean that it is a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes. I don't pretend to understand why this is the path that God has chosen for us. But, God knows why. Yesterday, a dear friend shared a comment that another dear friend had made. She said that I had a calling. That these children are my calling. God created me to be mom to Matthew and Maia. I was thinking about that this afternoon. If God gave me the chance to trade my two kiddos for two "typical" kiddos, would I? And the answer is of course, NO! These are the children of my heart and so precious to me - even in the difficult times. Even when life doesn't look like I think it is supposed to. I do trust unfailingly in God's plan and His divine purpose. And if I quit trying to understand and maintain control and allow God to work in me, He will gradually change me into the parent/person that I am supposed He created me to be.

12 comments:

  1. i really understand. i went through something simlar to this feeling when we were tryng to control kody's asthma. if God brings you to it he will help you Through it. i am continueng to keep you and your famly in my prayers. illa

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  2. Thanks for your honesty! Praying for Maia's health, and for your family :) HUGS!

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  3. (((((HUGS)))))

    I think every mother goes through these feelings regardless of having a special needs child or not. Thank you so much for sharing with us. We will continue to pray for you all.

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  4. Experiences such as you are having bring out traits in each person that they did not know they posessed because they never needed those traits before. God knows, and He allows us to rise to the occasion or fold up and refuse to accept. That's where the free will part comes into play. You are being exactly the mom you need to be at this time and in this place. You are chosing to rise to the occasion. Be kind to yourself. I am praying for all of you.

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  5. You have such a beautiful faith and I'm keeping your family in my prayers.

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  6. May God continue to carry your through these difficult days. You are a beautiful Christian family. Thank you for sharing your writings.

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  7. I have no words, either. Wish I could give you a big hug. May Our Father surround you with his loving arms.

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  8. Wow. Wow. Wow.

    Melanie-Your children and husband are blessed to have a woman in their lives who cries and fights and frets and rages at God and then looks up and tries to listen...and then processes what she is facing...

    Your post was about what motherhood is meant to bring out in all of us, regardless of our storyline...sacrifice, re-shuffling of our identities and expectations, learning about what real love is and reliance and struggle and relationship with God.

    Sending you, Mark, Maia and Matthew (and all the folks there supporting you) love and prayers and more love.

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  9. I went through the not the child I planned for or the parent I wanted to be with our son, he had behavioural issue ADHD and oppositional defiant and spina bifida occulta (covered opening). They were very challenging years raising him to adulthood, I cried, brokenhearted and asked why many many times. Now I'm a grandma and they fill me with joy. You are going in the right direction with your faith. God chose you and Mark to be the parents of Maia and Matthew. The whys, those answers we won't know until we are in the presence of God Himself. We have to hold onto faith and just keep believing, blind faith, no matter what comes. You are a good parent Melanie and you are holding onto faith. Hugs to you all. Covering you all in prayer. Believing for healing.
    Jacquelene L.
    Canada

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  10. This is a beautiful post and a wonderful reminder to all of us. Thank-you for writing!

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  11. Mary Lou McClamrochAugust 6, 2012 at 11:04 AM

    Melanie,
    Thank you for your words on being a parent! You truly are meant to raise these children along with your wonderful husband, Mark! Yes, God sent them to you......I am sure it is VERY DIFFICULT at times but always remember that God is there with you...He will not give you any more than you can bear.....we need to believe and trust in that Word!!!! You are a beautiful Christian family.....I love you....just be sure to let any of us know when and how we can pray for you and/or also help you out anytime. Love you.....hugs for Maia and all of you! Mary Lou

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