"You asked for this"

That's a comment I have heard a couple of times since we have been home. It's been made after people have asked me how things are going and I reply truthfully, "Well, I don't go anyplace quickly anymore and grocery shopping with two kids is a challenge" or "It's wild times at our house" or something along those lines. My response is not meant to elicit sympathy from the other person. It IS an acknowledgement of how much our life has changed in the past 13 months.

Some of the change is no different than any new parent experiences. Sleep deprivation, redefining our relationship as husband and wife to now include momma and daddy, wishing we had more time for each other (our friends, our hobbies, etc.), trying to juggle work and other comitments with family time. All of those adjustments come with the territory.

Yes, we managed to bypass the every two hour feedings, colic, all the newborn stuff. And there are definitely moments when I am every so grateful for that. In exchange, we parent one child who had never known life outside of an orphange (so had no concept of what a family even was) and another child who spent the first half of life in a "family" environment that no child should ever have to experience before spending the second half of pre-adoption life in the orphanage.

Consider how important those first few years of life are for a child - the nurturing, love, bonding that takes place with their parents, the stimulation and normal developmental tasks that go along with what we consider "typical" childhood. Orphanage and institution childhood is not typical.

Our kids came home without those essential pieces of the puzzle. That may seem surprising because things appear so "normal." Our parenting methods may seem contradictory to how one would parent the child they gave birth to. It is because we are not parenting children we gave birth to. Our methods need to be a little different. And yes, we are still learning and we are FAR from perfect (well, I guess I should say I am and not speak for Mark - lol!). But are kids are also learning...what it means to be part of a family, how to give and receive love, to treat others with kindness, to just be kids!! 

So when I am asked how things are going and I don't say, "PERFECT!" or I seem exhausted or overwhelmed, I'm not trying to play the martyr or make anyone feel sorry for me. I just hope for a little understanding and empathy as I figure out this parenthood stuff.  For those who say "You asked for this" - you are absolutely correct! Mark and I did ask for "this" and we would ask for "this" again without hesitation. God chose us to be Matthew and Maia's parents and we are blessed by these gifts from Him!!