Beauty from Ashes

I am proof that God can create beauty from ashes. Eight years ago today, life as I knew it changed forever. I got on the bus to ride to work that morning and talked with my husband along the way. He was driving home from his night shift job. He never made it. Another driver was going to fast for road conditions and lost control of her vehicle. Bob died almost immediately.
I remember sitting at my kitchen table later that day and saying through tears, "I am not going to let this destroy me." But, it nearly did. For the first couple months, I did all right. I went back to work after a couple of weeks. I continued my college courses. I went through the motions.
As time passed, things got worse instead of better. The emotional pain became unbearable and I did not want to go on any longer. I would drive home from school at night and think about driving my car off the bridge that I crossed. The darkness just did not end. I could truly understand the scripture in Romans 8:26 which states "the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." I no longer had words to express my grief and pain. All I could do was cry. Thankfully, I was surrounded by people who cared for me, loved me, and were praying for me. Without them, I would not be here today.
I realized that the only way things were going to get better was if I got some help. I talked with my health care provider and got medication both to help me sleep and relieve the depression.  I found a counselor, I prayed (and prayed and prayed). And slowly, the pain began to ease. I started to feel like there was a glimmer of hope, I began to smile again, I began to laugh, and I began to live again. I traveled, I did things that I never would have considered before.
A year after Bob's death, I went out on a date. I wasn't too sure about meeting this guy (he lived way too close to me if he proved to be a "weirdo"), but God reassured me that it was going to be ok. And by the end of that first evening, I knew that He was right. I didn't know if the relationship would amount to anything, but I decided that I liked this person enough to see him again (and again).
Ten months later, that guy (yes, Mark) and I got married. Over the past seven years, I have been blessed with love, laughter, and a beautiful relationship. My life has been blessed in ways that I never would have imagined eight years ago.
I have finished my master's degree and am working in the job God called me to as a young girl. I have two beautiful children, two adorable kitties, a comfortable home. Stability, love, and laughter have become the norm. I have a beautiful life. Only God! He has turned my weeping into joy and created beauty from a life that was truly ashes. I am blessed beyond compare.
For those of you who are struggling, who are discouraged, who feel that you can't go on, know that our Father cares. Even when you can't feel it, He is with you each step of the way, loving you, wanting to bless you. He is the one who can create beauty from ashes - even in circumstances that one can't imagine improving. I am proof!!