I think I have posted before that I don't like roller coasters. The ups and downs wreak havoc with my insides and leave me feeling somewhat battered and bruised. When we began our adoption journey, I knew that this would be a roller coaster ride. I thought I was prepared for it, confident in my ability to handle the unknowns, the highs and lows, I would be flexible, adapt to whatever was sent my way. But, my coping mechanism when a curve ball is thrown at me is for an initial time of decompensation. After I have had my little freak out, I am generally able to calm down, refocus, and move forward. So... it is my plan to be able to do the same now - I'm just not sure how yet.
Yesterday started the ascent of a roller coaster hill, thinking about our approaching trip and how close we were to bringing our little one home. Although I posted asking for prayer about the Ukraine's adoption legislation, I really didn't think anything would happen soon enough to impact us. Mark spent much of the day talking with travel agents who specialize in adoption fares, looking at options for our flights. He talked with Amanda (our agency's coordinator) yesterday afternoon and then purchased our tickets to Kiev. Another detail confirmed in our journey. Within just a few hours of Mark's first conversation with Amanda and shortly after he had bought the tickets, Amanda called again. She had received a phone call from Olga (who is the facilitator that works with us and on our behalf in Ukraine). The date for the second reading of the Ukraine adoption legislation has been scheduled for November 21. If it passes (which is a definite possibility) and is signed by the president, it will put a halt to international adoptions - even those currently in process. Amanda was calling to recommend that we not purchase our flights until after the vote.
So as of last night, I feel like we are stuck on the top of a roller coaster, waiting for November 21 when we plunge forward - either racing up another hill to travel and meet our child or perhaps it is the last descent of the ride and we will be required to get off and decide if we are going to take another trip.
I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but this is huge! Of course, my initial concerns are selfish. I am filled with sadness, fear, and uncertainty for us. But, it's bigger than just Mark and I - the little one who is to join our family. A child that we already love more than I ever thought possible, who has grandmas, aunties, and oh so many people waiting their arrival. There are so many other families who are in the same situation we are. The waiting children are the ones who will suffer the most. Those who have no chance of being adopted in their own country, but who have mommies and daddies waiting and dreaming of bringing them home to love them.
So...what do we do, how do we proceed? When I first heard the news, I immediately reminded myself that these circumstances are not a surprise to God. He is in control. And I keep telling myself that. It doesn't stop the tears from falling, it doesn't stop my heart from hurting. But, I will not let myself be trapped by the fear that Satan would have me wallow in. Just as our header says, I have to trust that God has a plan for my life. He has a plan for the little ones who need parents. He has a heart for orphans. And no matter what the outcome of this legislation, He is constant. I may not understand why things happen, but I have to trust that there is a reason.
In the meantime, we are acting "as if." It's hard... we can't just give up. That's definitely not a sign of faith. And it would mean that we could be scrambling to get things done at the last minute. The vote is on November 21 and we are set to leave on November 26. On the other hand, some of the joy I have felt in getting things ready has been tempered. I'm trying to protect my heart from the devastation I will feel if we have everything in place and aren't able to go. Someone who is sharing in this journey offered the following devotion last night and it really touched me as something to claim. I don't know who the author is so I apologize for not citing the source.
"Go gently through this day, keeping your eyes on Me. I will open up the path before you, as you take steps of trust along your path. Sometimes the way before you appears to be blocked. If you focus on the obstacle or search for a way around it, you will probably go off course. Instead, focus on me, the Shepard who is leading you along your life-journey. Before you know it, the obstacle will be behind you and you will hardly know how you passed through it. That is the secret of success in My kingdom. Although you remain aware of the visible world around you, your primary awareness is of Me. When the road before you looks rocky, you can trust Me to get you through that rough patch. My Presence enables you to face each day with confidence."
I know that I asked for prayer yesterday, but now I ask again and even more urgently. Between now and November 21 (especially on that day), please be praying for a favorable outcome - one that will protect our adoption plans as well as allow continued opportunities for others to bring home these beautiful children who otherwise might never know the love of a family.