"And then what?"

This is one of Matthew's favorite questions. He is constantly asking what is happening next. Today, tomorrow, "two tomorrows... ten tomorrows..." You get the idea. Matthew is so busy looking at and wondering about what is coming that he has very little concept of enjoying the present. To him, there is always something bigger and better around the corner.

I have to admit, there are times it drives me crazy. We are trying to work on keeping him focused and staying on task instead of heading off in fifty different directions. Working on finishing whatever it is he is doing before moving on to the next thing. Slowing down a bit.

Today as I was reading my devotional, God said very clearly to me, "Are you really so different than your son?" Ouch! I took a few moments to contemplate. And as I was looking in my prayer book, I came across something I had written shortly before Maia got sick. At the time, there was nothing "big" going on in my life. I was pouring out my heart to God, telling Him that I felt so insignificant when I looked at other blog moms out there. I wanted a huge following, I wanted my moments of "fame." I was asking Him to help me be content where I was at, to teach me to be satisfied with moments of quiet/calm. Reality is that when things are chaotic and crazy, I tend to whine and complain about how much I need some reprieve. But when that rest comes, I fight it with all that I have. Pride also comes to mind. Seeking affirmation from the world for the things I do instead of seeking to please my Heavenly Father.

For as much as I like to think otherwise, I am just as guilty of looking for the next great thing to enter my  life as Matthew is. God reminded me of that this morning. And He also gently said, "What you are doing is not insignificant. You are raising my children, ones who would otherwise never know the love of a family." By the world's standards, that may not be "greatness," but it is important. So, instead of asking "And then what, God?" I need to learn to slow down and enjoy these every day moments in our family instead of racing off to find the next big thrill. I'm asking God to fill my heart with satisfaction in the small things in life, knowing that the most important part of my future is eternity. And between now and then, it doesn't really matter whether I have achieved success by the world's standards. What matters is that I love God, love my family, and attempt to make a difference in the lives of those people who cross my path on this journey we call life.