Weekend

We had a good weekend. On Saturday, we headed north to the cabin with Mark's friend Brad. Brad's sons Tyler and Cody came with, as well as Brad's dad Delmar. Thanks to Delmar, there has been a huge improvement in our driveway. He was kind enough to haul his skid loader to our cabin (4 hour trip each way) and enhance the "bridge" that Mark had built over a very low area. We are so appreciative that he would be that generous with his time and talents on a holiday weekend!

Yesterday, was a pretty non-productive day. My parents invited us for lunch and we spent the afternoon with them. We enoyed visiting and got to see the 2 new pigs, Patsy and Petunia.

I know I haven't mentioned much related to our adoption lately - we've been trying to make some decisions... I'll be posting more very soon!

Thankful Thursday

As beautiful as the weather is today, I think I HAVE to start with saying that I am thankful for such a nice day. A little warm in the sun, but a nice breeze - sitting in the shade is wonderful. Couldn't ask for a better forecast for the holiday weekend. Well, I could but only because I like things a little cooler. For the rest of you, it's about perfect!

I had lunch with a several co-workers today which was a treat. I'm not missing work, but they are also good friends so it was nice to visit a little while because I DO miss them.  Add yummy Mexican food to that and it's even better!

Safe travels - Mark's mom and dad headed for their summer place on Tuesday. Joanne called to say that they made it safely, although the kitties took some coaxing when it was time to put them in their carriers for the trip. We will spend a week with them late this summer and are looking forward to that! Although this will be the 6th summer that I have made the trip, this will be the FIRST trip that I won't bring work and/or school with  me. YAY!  I guess I shouldn't sound too confident, but I don't foresee having to bring anything with me other than some books that have been calling my name...

Check out a great shop!!

My friend Sarah just started her own Etsy shop. She is making beautiful necklaces. Some of them are designated Down Syndrome awareness fundraiser items. I really encourage you to check out Sarah's Treasure Box by clicking here.

Also, just a quick Happy 2 year Gotcha Day - Sarah and Chris were given the precious gift of Jaxson two years ago today! Another example of the beautiful face of adoption.

Act "as if?"

I often hear hear this phrase. It has come up several times during our adoption journey. We should act as if we have a child, act as if our adoption WILL happen - think and act positive. In fact, one individual indicated that this is really the key to success. That we should never consider the possibililty that it won't happen.

To be honest, I struggle with that. It feels arrogant to me to act "as if" our adoption is a given. Yes, my heart longs to have a child, to share the joys and challenges of parenting with the hubby that I love so much. Sometimes, when I watch young children with their parents, my eyes tear up and I wonder if we will ever have that experience. I trust that God has a plan for us. But, is it right to assume that God's plan involves Mark and I having a family of our own? That's where my other struggle comes in...

I know that God is faithful in all things. But, sometimes His plan for our lives is different than what our plan is. Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart, a man plans his course. But, the Lord determines his steps." Seven years ago, I had a pretty clear picture of where I thought my life was headed. Boy... was I WRONG! God had different plans for me - a life that was much different than anything I could possibly have imagined.  I want to be open to whatever God has in store for my life. I hope that includes adoption. I eagerly look for waiting children, hoping that God will say "Yes - this is your child (or these are your children)." But, I haven't heard that voice yet. Sometimes, I make inquiries about a child - only to hear God say, "No."  So then I wonder why I should act "as if." What if God has different plans for Mark and I? I am afraid that if I am too confident and positive about our plans, that I would be heartbroken if God said, "No - adoption is not in my plans for you - you heard me wrong." I want to believe that I am trying to be open to whatever God has in store for me instead of acting as if adoption is the only acceptable outcome. Or am I not trusting Him completely? I'm not sure.

I would love to hear your insight, opinions, and/or experience in this area - not just related to adoption, but life in general. 

saturday

I did some yard work today. spray for weeds, plant some seeds with Melanie, did more work getting the motorhome ready for a new roof. I hope to get the roof done sunday.

Thankful Thursday

Surgery was 2 weeks ago and I am feeling pretty good. Still not 100%, but definitely improving every day. The prayers and wishes of friends, family, our church family, and co-workers have been so appreciated. My friend Kari drove down from Minneapolis to see me on Tuesday and we took a leisurely stroll around the small zoo which is just a few miles from here. They have a "petting zoo" as well and one of the little goats got out of it's pen. Watching the staff chase him (or her) around was funny!

The weather has been absolutely beautiful this week!  Warm, sunny days - cool nights, good sleeping weather. After the winter that seemed like it would never end, this is such a wonderful gift. We even have apricots on the two trees in our back yard. Hopefully, the squirrels will leave them alone so that I can make some apricot jam or jelly this year!

Tomorrow is Friday and I get to spend the weekend with my hubby!

There's so much to be thankful for - what's on your list today?

Sad news

You may have noticed the button I put on the right side of the blog, "Pray for Chrissie." This is a little girl that I first noticed on RR last year. Her picture just touched me, such a precious face and smile. Chrissie had a heart condition that is fatal, children with this problem do not live more than a few days. Yet, Chrissie was nearly 3 years old. I began to pray for Chrissie - that her forever family would find her. And of course, they did - bringing her home from Serbia 7 months ago. I had lost track of Chrissie until about a month ago when I came across a post asking for prayer for her. Since then, Chrissie, her mom Lorraine, and the rest of their family have been in my constant prayers. I have been amazed and in awe of how God has used this sweet angel to show His majesty as well as draw people closer to Him.

Chrissie lost her battle this morning and according to Lorraine, "Her heart has been healed and now she spins and she sways to the Cinderella song with Jesus as her dance partner."

I am so thankful that I have been allowed to follow their journey over the past month. My relationship with God has been deepened and strengthened because of it! I know that others feel the same. If you haven't checked out Lorraine's blog, I encourage you to do so. Just click here or on the button to the right.

Thankful Thursday

Better not let the day go by without taking a few moments to share what I am thankful for. Two people immediately come to mind. And my gratitude for them is a little belated since they both had birthdays this week.

#1 - My mom - She is a determined, strong woman and much of the person I am  is because of her. I am thankful that God chose her to be my mom!

#2 - My wonderful husband - He's had a really rough week at work -his truck broke down, no sleep because of the delay, and an extra run disrupting plans to get some work done at the cabin this weekend. Hopefully, he will get the opportunity for some well deserved R&R this weekend and the chance to celebrate his birthday a little late.  I am so thankful that God chose Mark to be my hubby!

Happy belated birthday to both of you! 

So not a good patient

As I have shared before, I have control issues. And as I shared in my last post, I am not a good patient. If I am sick for more than a couple of days, I get cranky. I would probably get well quicker if I wasn't pushing the limits. Instead of resting, I want to be going places, getting things done, crossing items off my to-do list, doing things for others. I don't like to be slowed down by a body that isn't cooperating with me.  It makes me feel week and ineffectual.

As I was sitting here this morning thinking - well, really whining to myself (and God) about how I wanted to feel better NOW, I felt like He was telling me to slow down and think about my priorities. That there is a purpose to this time of rest.

A bible verse came to mind and I'm paraphrasing... "God's strength is made perfect in MY weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9. For the past few years (and most of my life), I have been so busy trying to demonstrate my own knowledge, competence, ability to be on top of everything, etc. that I have not allowed God's strength to work. As usual, I'm trying to maintain control instead of turning things over to Him - the one who knows ALL things, the one who IS in control, who has a plan for my life - a plan that exceeds anything I can imagine. That seems pretty arrogant to think that I know better than God, doesn't it?

So... maybe (ok, not maybe - definitely), I need to allow myself to be weak for a change. I need to give up control to "the ONE" who has my back, the great physician and healer. Perhaps I should use this time to allow God to be the strong one instead of me...

Purse

There is a comment on Melanies purse full of flowers, you can see the comment under the "Good to be back" entry.  It will say 1 comment at the end of the entry. My comment to that comment is Melanie has enough purses. I just gave her the last purse she will ever need, it was full of flowers :)

Mark

These are some of the flowers Melanie got. Notice one is in a pink purse.

Good to be back!

It is a good feeling to be blogging again. The last couple weeks have just been crazy, but things are going to slow down now. Really, they have to...

I finished up my last final exam a week ago Friday, April 30. Got all of my final paperwork, evaluations, etc. wrapped up and had a couple days to breathe again. I was able to enjoy the weekend, spent some time with my sweet hubby, saw some friends, helped my cousin with some yard work.

On Wednesday, May 5 - I had surgery.  If there are guys reading this, you may want to skip the rest of this paragraph. I've had "female problems" for years - really, since I first started getting my period. It started affecting my life more as a young adult and tried various treatments with limited success. Eventually, I started taking an injectible hormone every 12 weeks which worked well. My first hubby and I weren't trying to have kids so it wasn't a big deal. Six years ago, I began to have heavy bleeding, abdominal pain and pressure. An ultrasound revealed a grapefruit sized tumor on my uterus which thankfully was benign. The surgeon was able to remove the tumor and told me that my ability to have children shouldn't be affected. So... when Mark and I got married, we didn't anticipate any problems. Unfortunately, pregnancy didn't happen and my bleeding problems returned and worsened. It got to the point where it was affecting not only my personal life, but my professional life as well. Because Mark and I were hoping to get pregnant, it made things difficult. Any treatment would affect fertility. After fertility testing early last year, we decided that pregnancy was not likely to happen and started to pursue adoption. I had more fibroids removed last year, but continued to have problems. This spring, I began to see a new GYN who finally offered me the option of a hysterectomy. I posted very vaguely about this after my appointment with her. It was such a relief to finally feel that my issues were real and legitimate. I asked to see the same surgeon who had performed my first surgery and he reinforced that this was the right choice, actually told me that most women would have been in his office years ago demanding surgery and that I had tolerated the problem much longer than others.

So... Wednesday was surgery. Mark and my mom were at the hospital. My sweet hubby stayed overnight with me which really was a wonderful gift! The nurses are good but they can't be in the room 24/7.  So, he was there for anything I needed. Thursday morning, I felt pretty good and maybe overdid a little because by noon, I was feeling pretty rotten. Got discharged Thursday evening and have been laying low since then. I can not say enough about how awesome Mark has been. The first night, he got up with me every time I needed to go to the bathroom - making sure I was steady and safe to move around. He has his alarm set to go off when I am due for pain medication, he takes such good care of me. I am truly blessed!!

And for those of you who know how much I love purses, this wonderful husband of mine came home from a quick trip to the "grocery store" yesterday with an adorable purse filled with beautiful flowers!  Since he is always suggesting that I get rid of a purse (or ten), it means even more. I'll have to post a picture of it later.

I'm starting to feel a little more human again - I'm not a good patient, it's much easier for me to be a caregiver. But, I am trying to allow myself to be cared for by others for a change. 

And it feels good to be back here, catching up! 

Finally...

It was a good weekend!  That sounds wrong...I don't mean finally...it was a good weekend like my weekends have been bad. But, this weekend??

I took my last final on Friday. School is finished!!  Unbelievable!  I still have my certification exam to take - probably towards the end of June or beginning of July, but school is done! There were times that I thought this day would never come, times that I wanted to quit, and have a life again - see friends again. But, I made it. As of next Saturday, I will have a master's degree in nursing. And the ability to think about things other than school.

I'll start studying for my certification exam soon, but decided to take a short mental health break before then. Mark offered to take me out to celebrate, but all I wanted to do was stay home and spend some time with him. It was so nice!  Yesterday, we ran errands together - something I haven't felt good about doing in a long time. Last night, we went out for dinner with friends - I could do that without feeling guilty about neglecting schoolwork.

Today, we took a quick trip up to the cabin. It survived the winter well. I was able to get a little cleaning done while Mark mowed the lawn and collected wood ticks. He accumulated at least 5 during the course of the day.

Chocolate chip pancakes for dinner tonight - what more could a girl ask for?  Life is good!  BTW - I sure hope our child loves chocolate chip pancakes as much as I do!