I have to admit that I wasn't sure it was going to be when I got up this morning. I was full of self-doubt. Satan was working overtime telling me that I'm a rotten mother and wife, that I will never be good enough to care for Maia in the way that she deserves, that Mark deserves someone much better than me - oh, it was ugly thoughts in my head. All self-directed and all self-loathing.
I got to work and started my day. A couple people came in and asked how Maia was doing. One of them asked how I was doing. And I don't quite remember how the conversation ended up on this topic, but she said something that changed my whole outlook. I won't get it exactly right, but she basically reminded me that no mother is ever perfect and that I don't have to be. But, there are a lot of things that I can do to be a good mom. God doesn't expect me to be a perfect mother to Maia. He knows that I'm human and that I am full shortcomings. He DOES expect me to an imperfect momma to Maia, though. Since the beginning of time, He has known that I would be Maia's momma and He chose me for that great blessing! I'm doing an awful job of explaining the reassurance that I received during that conversation, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. So thank you S for your words of wisdom!
The day went well, I was able to accomplish everything I needed in time to leave for Maia's neurology appointment this afternoon. She had an MRI of the brain and spine this morning to obtain baseline information about her hydrocephaly, shunt, and spina bifida. Mark took her to that and I met them at the clinic in time to meet with Dr. Patterson. Although he only had preliminary results, there was nothing unexpected. Maia's spinal cord is tethered which basically means it never separated from her lower back during development. She may or may not require surgery to untether the spinal cord. At this point, it isn't necessary and would be only if she had difficulties. The doctor said that he is very impressed with how well she is doing and in his words, "She really is amazing!" Yes... we think so, too! Anyway... the neurosurgeon will also review the MRI and contact us if there is anything concerning.
Otherwise from a spina bifida/hydrocephaly standpoint, Maia is doing very well and this was the last of the tests. We will start every 6 month routine check-ups now. Only ongoing issue is the eyes. Maia will see the ophthalmologist in March and we anticipate that she will be scheduled for surgery at that time. She's doing wonderfully with the patching - really tolerates it without difficulty.
Got home early enough that I was able to have some precious time to play and just enjoy being mamma to this sweet girl of mine - how blessed I am to be able to call her my daughter!