This morning as I was reading my daily devotional (which I absolutely love - it is a gift from my dear friend Del!), God spoke very clearly to me. A little background...I have alluded to the fact that we are facing some challenges right now with Matthew. And I admit, I have a tendency to take his behavior personally. In rational moments, I know that it is a product of Matthew's time before joining our family - not directed towards Mark and I specifically. In my more frequent irrational moments, I struggle to remember that. And that is where my heavenly Father met me today.
When Maia was sick, I trusted God. There was never any question in my mind or my heart that He was in control. I knew that He held our sweet girl, cradled in His loving arms. That whatever happened, I would get through because of Him. I don't know why it was so easy for me to trust in those circumstances, but it was. And I still trust. I trust that no matter what Maia's future looks like, God will give me the strength to handle it. He is God - He is able to do far more than anything I can imagine.
So this morning, God said to me, "You have trusted me completely with Maia. Why are you so unable to place that same trust in me when it comes to Matthew?" Wow - that stopped me in my tracks! And I was ashamed to admit that I had no answer for God. I've pondered that throughout the day and I still don't know how to answer. Perhaps, it's because I have no control over physical problems and I "get that," but feel like I should be able to maintain control over my child's behaviors and emotions. Ridiculous, isn't it? I recently saw a wall hanging that said, "If you have absolute control over your family, somewhere you have gone horribly wrong." How true is that! For those of you who have followed my blog for any length of time, you've heard me reference my need for control. Once again, God is reminding me that I am not in control of anyone but myself. And my responsibility is to love my children. To influence them, to mold them, and shape them into the people that God created them to be. It's not to force them to become the people I think they should be. We could all tell a dozen stories about how that doesn't work. God is asking me to trust Him with Matthew, just like I trust Him with Maia. If I allow Him to, God will sustain me in those difficult moments. He will give me strength when I feel like I can't go on one more minute. And my heavenly Father keeps reminding me of what He told me when we began the process to bring Matthew home. He very clearly spoke to me, "Matthew will be your greatest joy." I am guilty of assuming that this meant the road would be smooth sailing. Silly girl, I know. Welcome to parenthood! But God speaks those words to me just as clearly today as He did 18 months ago. And He is faithful. I make the conscious choice to place Matthew in God's hands and ask for wisdom in parenting this precious child that He has entrusted us with.
And... on to the "hurray!" 1-2 months ago, we would find Maia out of bed in the morning. What had likely happened was that she had rolled herself out of bed onto the cushions that we had placed beside the bed and then on to the floor. She didn't make any effort to get out of her room and then about a month ago, she quit trying to get out of bed. We would go to Maia's bedroom in the morning and she would be awake and sitting up in bed, but never out of bed. I was a bit discouraged at what felt like regression. Well... little miss thing surprised us this morning! I was getting ready for work and Mark went down to get Maia. A minute later, he called upstairs saying that I needed to come right away. Of course, I was concerned and hurried to the steps. What did I find? Miss Maia on the second step, working on crawling up. Yep, that's where dad found her. She had got herself out of bed and made it to the steps with the intent of coming upstairs. This is HUGE progress! She still is unsteady and falls backward so we may have to put a gate at the bottom of the steps until she is a bit stronger. But, I am beyond thrilled and am praising God for Maia's initiative!