Fall 2013

Fall 2013

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sometimes I need a reminder

I meant to get this post done on Monday, but it just didn't happen. I wanted it to be fresh in my mind when I wrote it, but hopefully I will still be able to share my heart the way I want to.

We had a very busy weekend! Saturday morning, we headed for the fitness center. Mark was attending new member orientation and I was going to work out. This was the first time we were taking Maia to kids' care. She did well, but I'm sure she didn't understand what it was all about. That afternoon, we headed to my hometown for dinner with my cousin. An hour in the car each way. And a visit at a house that has probably not seen a kid in it since my brother and I were little (so 25 years...). Again, Maia did well.

On Sunday, we packed up the car and drove to Wisconsin to see Grandma Hansen. A little over two hours each way. Two hours spent at a nursing home, "running" up and down the hallways. Coming home, we stopped to visit my parents. Dinner came and the routine was different than ours is at home. Food was on the table, but not on Maia's plate. It was different food than she is used to eating. Can you see where I'm going with this? Yep, it was not pretty. Our girl was done - she had HAD IT! So, we quickly ate dinner and headed home.

I was feeling pretty discouraged. Some of Maia's behavior has been worse lately. We're seeing an escalation in certain outbursts. It's frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. We're trying different approaches and not noticing much change.

Anyway... as I said, I was feeling discouraged. On Monday morning, I was catching up on my favorite blogs and happened to read one that made me stop in my tracks. I need to remember that we have only been home 9 1/2 weeks. Maia had three years of life before joining our family. She is not going to unlearn her behaviors and defense mechanisms in such a short period of time. And really... as I stopped to think about it, we asked her to tolerate a LOT over the weekend. We (meaning me) tried to cram too much into a short period of time. Maia's needs really weren't taken into consideration as we were making plans.

As I was reading this blog, God stopped me short and reminded me that for now... SHE needs to come first. I need to take a step back and be more cautious when making plans. Think about what Maia can truly handle and learn to set some limits and boundaries. We may have to stay home more because that's where she feels safe right now. Yes, there may be people who don't understand why we can't do all of the things that we used to do. People who have different opinions about parenting and may not agree with how we handle things. But right now, it needs to be all about her! She has only been with us 9 1/2 weeks and bottom line, we can't approach parenting the same as if she had been ours since birth. It is an entirely different scenario. We're learning as we go. Like all parents, I am going to make mistakes - and some are whoppers!

But, God also reminded me that He chose me to be Maia's mother. There is a purpose in that. So even though there are times when the sailing seems rough, God's plans are perfect. And if I listen to Him first, everything else will fall into place.


  1. You are learning and growing as much as she is! :)

    So glad you stumbled upon that blog to help you refocus. What a good mommy you are!

    She'll settle in soon. For now, soak up all the quiet time at home you get. It goes by too fast!

  2. You're spot on. For the next foreseeable future, it has to be about her. Then you can start the shift back to "it's about us". It will never go back to "it's about you". That's why you did this! You guys are doing great!!

    God Bless!

  3. Melanie,

    Even with my child (who has been a very "good" kid) we have episodes in temperament that are hard to handle. They get cranky.

    I think you are doing a wonderful job as her mother, and you've had some much to learn and adapt to in so little time. You, Mark, and Maia are on a difficult (and wonderful) journey, and are doing quite well.

    I love reading your updates, and want you to know that I think you and Mark are terrific parents. Maia is lucky.


  4. We practically became hermits for the first six months after bringing Isabel home! Praying for wisdom for you!

  5. Thank you for your post! I'll be (pre) learning vicariously through your posts until our adoption goes through. Please don't hesitate to keep blogging on what you are learning through God and through Maia!


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