Adjustment

I was thinking back the other day...

When we were nearing the end of Maia's hospitalization last summer, I remember having conversations with Mark and several others about a struggle I was having. Maia had lost so much. She was no longer able to communicate any of her needs. She wasn't able to do anything for herself and could barely sit up alone. I didn't know how to deal with that as we faced the future. Initially, the doctors had been so optimistic that she would regain function. And I thought that would happen quickly. As days passed with very little improvement, the uncertainty of the future was difficult for me.

I wondered how to handle expectations. I wanted to know how best to help Maia. I was worried about setting too high of goals for her and being crushed if she didn't achieve them. I also worried about having too low of expectations and not giving her enough opportunity to reach her full potential. Balancing that was hard for me and I could not figure out how to reconcile what I felt were two conflicting paths.

I spent a great deal of time in prayer before Maia left the hospital, asking God to help me. When we got home, life became so busy that I had little opportunity to dwell on those uncertainties anymore. This was our life and we just started living it without worrying a whole lot about what Maia would be able to do in the future. She was our sweet girl and she was alive.

As the months have passed, we have rejoiced with the progress that Maia has made and praised God for His faithfulness in this journey. And all of a sudden, it hit me. We have adjusted to this "new normal." I am no longer overwhelmed with those worries that haunted me. Maia is Maia. We know her well enough to recognize when we need to "push" her a bit and when we need to back off. We are thankful for the function that she has regained and hopeful that she will continue to make strides her in development (our continual prayer is for her speech to return). And yet, Maia is perfect the way she is. If she did not make any further progress, it wouldn't matter. Although I can't see what her tomorrows look like, God can. He has shown me His grace, allowing me to accept what each day brings for Maia without fear - because she is His child even more than she is mine. And I am thankful for His work in me over the past eight months, thankful that I can look back and see the changes He is making in my heart through my kiddos.