Openness in Adoption and other thoughts

When Mark and I first started talking about adoption, I was very apprehensive about having an open adoption. But my heart has really been changed and I see how important it can be for everyone involved.

At first, I was scared - mostly insecure about having ongoing contact with our child's birth family. What if they decide they want to be parents later on? What if they try to undermine our parenting? What if our child loves them more? All sorts of anxieties...

However as I have thought and prayed about this as well as listened to kids who have been adopted, it has become increasingly important to me that we consider as much openness in our adoption as the birth family is interested in. Of course, it needs to be in the best interest of everyone involved. Heritage is a vital piece of one's identity. Knowing our origins allows us to have a better sense of self, who do we look like, what traits have we inherited from our parents, etc? Children who have been adopted may want to know the circumstances that led to their adoption plan, ask questions, be reassured. Birth families want reassurance that their child is being cared for and loved, given opportunities to grow and reach their highest potential - to know that their adoption plan was the right one - it is completely understandable!

Mark and I will be open to sharing letters, photos, perhaps phone calls and visits with our child's birth family. We feel that openness is what's best for our child!!

One other thought that has been on my mind. Every now and then, I start getting impatient about adopting. I want it to happen on MY time frame. A couple of weeks ago, our pastor spoke about trusting God - specifically Abraham and Sarah as they waited long into old age for God's promise of children to be fulfilled, how Sarah became impatient and took matters into her own hands instead of trusting that God would be faithful creating a situation that was not God's will. It was (and is) a reminder to me of the importance of trusting that God does have a plan for my life.

This thought was reinforced for me today as Mark and I looking for pictures to use in our adoption portfolios. I came across a paper that I had written for a faith development class that I took while completing my bachelor's degree. The date on this paper was exactly 2 months before my first husband died. I wrote that lately I had been hearing God tell me, "Your plans are NOT the plans I have for you." At that time, I had no idea of how quickly and dramatically my life would change. Over the past 6 years since that paper was written, God has been faithful and blessed my life in ways that I never would have imagined.

When I begin to get impatient and think about creating my own timeline for our adoption, I will stop and remind myself that God is always faithful. I trust that when the time is right, He will bring our child to us.