This morning as I was reading my daily devotional (which I absolutely love - it is a gift from my dear friend Del!), God spoke very clearly to me. A little background...I have alluded to the fact that we are facing some challenges right now with Matthew. And I admit, I have a tendency to take his behavior personally. In rational moments, I know that it is a product of Matthew's time before joining our family - not directed towards Mark and I specifically. In my more frequent irrational moments, I struggle to remember that. And that is where my heavenly Father met me today.
When Maia was sick, I trusted God. There was never any question in my mind or my heart that He was in control. I knew that He held our sweet girl, cradled in His loving arms. That whatever happened, I would get through because of Him. I don't know why it was so easy for me to trust in those circumstances, but it was. And I still trust. I trust that no matter what Maia's future looks like, God will give me the strength to handle it. He is God - He is able to do far more than anything I can imagine.
So this morning, God said to me, "You have trusted me completely with Maia. Why are you so unable to place that same trust in me when it comes to Matthew?" Wow - that stopped me in my tracks! And I was ashamed to admit that I had no answer for God. I've pondered that throughout the day and I still don't know how to answer. Perhaps, it's because I have no control over physical problems and I "get that," but feel like I should be able to maintain control over my child's behaviors and emotions. Ridiculous, isn't it? I recently saw a wall hanging that said, "If you have absolute control over your family, somewhere you have gone horribly wrong." How true is that! For those of you who have followed my blog for any length of time, you've heard me reference my need for control. Once again, God is reminding me that I am not in control of anyone but myself. And my responsibility is to love my children. To influence them, to mold them, and shape them into the people that God created them to be. It's not to force them to become the people I think they should be. We could all tell a dozen stories about how that doesn't work. God is asking me to trust Him with Matthew, just like I trust Him with Maia. If I allow Him to, God will sustain me in those difficult moments. He will give me strength when I feel like I can't go on one more minute. And my heavenly Father keeps reminding me of what He told me when we began the process to bring Matthew home. He very clearly spoke to me, "Matthew will be your greatest joy." I am guilty of assuming that this meant the road would be smooth sailing. Silly girl, I know. Welcome to parenthood! But God speaks those words to me just as clearly today as He did 18 months ago. And He is faithful. I make the conscious choice to place Matthew in God's hands and ask for wisdom in parenting this precious child that He has entrusted us with.
And... on to the "hurray!" 1-2 months ago, we would find Maia out of bed in the morning. What had likely happened was that she had rolled herself out of bed onto the cushions that we had placed beside the bed and then on to the floor. She didn't make any effort to get out of her room and then about a month ago, she quit trying to get out of bed. We would go to Maia's bedroom in the morning and she would be awake and sitting up in bed, but never out of bed. I was a bit discouraged at what felt like regression. Well... little miss thing surprised us this morning! I was getting ready for work and Mark went down to get Maia. A minute later, he called upstairs saying that I needed to come right away. Of course, I was concerned and hurried to the steps. What did I find? Miss Maia on the second step, working on crawling up. Yep, that's where dad found her. She had got herself out of bed and made it to the steps with the intent of coming upstairs. This is HUGE progress! She still is unsteady and falls backward so we may have to put a gate at the bottom of the steps until she is a bit stronger. But, I am beyond thrilled and am praising God for Maia's initiative!
Fall 2013
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Off kilter and more appointments
Last week really threw me for a loop. I usually work on Wednesdays, but had taken the day off so that I could be home for Halloween stuff with the kids.
Maia had therapy in the afternoon and so after that was done, we headed to Nana and Papa's to get ready for trick-or-treating. She was already tired out from all the hard work of therapy. Matthew and Mark arrived after Matthew was done with school. We ended up hanging out with Nana and Papa for a couple of hours. Then, I had a visitation to attend. One of my dearest friends' mother died. I think she is the first one of my friends to lose a parent and it was a bit of a reality check for me. Anyway... after the visitation, we stopped at our friends Ken and Jeanne's house so the kids could trick-or-treat. By the time we got home, it was almost 7:30pm and Maia was wiped out so Mark put her to bed. Matthew and I headed out to see how much candy he could accumulate - lol! He made out pretty good given that we were only out for 45 minutes.
When I went back to work on Thursday, I kept thinking it was Wednesday and by the time I realized I missed Thankful Thursday, it was Friday morning. Work was crazy and I was ready for a break by the time 5:30pm came. The kids were tired from some late nights and Mark hadn't been sleeping well, so we were all ready for bed early. Enjoyed our usual Friday night pizza and movie. We had a yippee moment. Maia fed herself the small pieces of pizza that I cut up for her for the first time!! Now admittedly, she would have shoved them in her mouth one after the other if I had let her, but still... it's progress. I got her ready for bed and she and I laid down to cuddle while Mark and Matthew finished the movie. They joined Maia and me for a little family cuddle time. Next thing I knew, everyone was sound asleep in our bed - at the "late" hour of 9:15pm. We are indeed party animals - lol!!
Saturday was busy baking pies for our church bazaar and pie social. Mark worked on the motor home. He has been trying to repair a rotten wall. Unfortunately, he has found that the whole roof is rotten. Still going to try to salvage it so that we can use it at the cabin because that is the only way we have to shower since there is no running water. That evening, my friend Del came over and watched the kids so that Mark and I could have a date night. Again... we ran out of steam early and came home to bed. Kind of pitiful, really - lol!
Sunday, we enjoyed church. We missed last week because we were out of town and it seemed like forever since we had been there. Unfortunately, I totally forgot that it was Orphan Sunday until today. Hopefully, next year we will be able to do something at our church to share the plight of orphans around the world. It resonates deeply within me even though I don't shout about it like I probably should. Later in the afternoon, my god daughter Rachel interviewed me for her career class. It was fun to answer her questions and spend a little time actually thinking about different aspects of my job. I am so thankful God gave me the opportunity to serve the elderly, what a huge blessing!
And today back to work. Maia had appointments all day, literally! She started at 7am and was scheduled through 4pm. Fortunately, the 4pm appointment was able to squeeze in this morning, so she actually finished up around 4pm instead of 5p. Blood work and lots of urology testing this morning, as well as meeting with a different physical therapist. Maia's urology tests show that there has been no worsening of the reflux of urine back in to her kidneys. While we were hoping that this was improved, at least it is not worse. Her urine is currently free of bacteria and the Urologist said that the preventive antibiotic can be stopped for now. This is good news because I do worry about Maia becoming resistant to antibiotics. We've been concerned because she continues to have leakage between her scheduled catheterization. Dr. K recommended increasing the medication which softens her bladder walls, allowing it to hold more urine. I'm not excited about that due to side effects, but it is our only option. If things do not improve, we will have to consider surgery to enlarge Maia's bladder. Please pray that the medication works, we don't want to subject our sweet girl to another surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. So, the urology appointment was after lunch and following that was the appointment with our favorite Dr. S. Maia was not walking at the time of her last visit, so she was thrilled to see that progress. Dr. S was also very happy that Maia is vocalizing more sounds even though "no" is the only word we are hearing. Mark did ask about the possibility of starting fish oil for Maia. There are some studies showing that this may be beneficial in patients who have suffered brain injuries. And so even though Dr. S says it hasn't been confirmed, she is receptive to us trying this supplement for Maia. I'm excited about that!
That's most of what's happening in our world. Seems like we are so busy with appointments lately. I never imagined that we would be on the go so much when the kids were this young. I have no delusions that it will improve with time, though. My only hope is that somehow, I can become more organized and adept at dealing with all the chaos. Yep... I know, hope springs eternal!
Maia had therapy in the afternoon and so after that was done, we headed to Nana and Papa's to get ready for trick-or-treating. She was already tired out from all the hard work of therapy. Matthew and Mark arrived after Matthew was done with school. We ended up hanging out with Nana and Papa for a couple of hours. Then, I had a visitation to attend. One of my dearest friends' mother died. I think she is the first one of my friends to lose a parent and it was a bit of a reality check for me. Anyway... after the visitation, we stopped at our friends Ken and Jeanne's house so the kids could trick-or-treat. By the time we got home, it was almost 7:30pm and Maia was wiped out so Mark put her to bed. Matthew and I headed out to see how much candy he could accumulate - lol! He made out pretty good given that we were only out for 45 minutes.
When I went back to work on Thursday, I kept thinking it was Wednesday and by the time I realized I missed Thankful Thursday, it was Friday morning. Work was crazy and I was ready for a break by the time 5:30pm came. The kids were tired from some late nights and Mark hadn't been sleeping well, so we were all ready for bed early. Enjoyed our usual Friday night pizza and movie. We had a yippee moment. Maia fed herself the small pieces of pizza that I cut up for her for the first time!! Now admittedly, she would have shoved them in her mouth one after the other if I had let her, but still... it's progress. I got her ready for bed and she and I laid down to cuddle while Mark and Matthew finished the movie. They joined Maia and me for a little family cuddle time. Next thing I knew, everyone was sound asleep in our bed - at the "late" hour of 9:15pm. We are indeed party animals - lol!!
Saturday was busy baking pies for our church bazaar and pie social. Mark worked on the motor home. He has been trying to repair a rotten wall. Unfortunately, he has found that the whole roof is rotten. Still going to try to salvage it so that we can use it at the cabin because that is the only way we have to shower since there is no running water. That evening, my friend Del came over and watched the kids so that Mark and I could have a date night. Again... we ran out of steam early and came home to bed. Kind of pitiful, really - lol!
Sunday, we enjoyed church. We missed last week because we were out of town and it seemed like forever since we had been there. Unfortunately, I totally forgot that it was Orphan Sunday until today. Hopefully, next year we will be able to do something at our church to share the plight of orphans around the world. It resonates deeply within me even though I don't shout about it like I probably should. Later in the afternoon, my god daughter Rachel interviewed me for her career class. It was fun to answer her questions and spend a little time actually thinking about different aspects of my job. I am so thankful God gave me the opportunity to serve the elderly, what a huge blessing!
And today back to work. Maia had appointments all day, literally! She started at 7am and was scheduled through 4pm. Fortunately, the 4pm appointment was able to squeeze in this morning, so she actually finished up around 4pm instead of 5p. Blood work and lots of urology testing this morning, as well as meeting with a different physical therapist. Maia's urology tests show that there has been no worsening of the reflux of urine back in to her kidneys. While we were hoping that this was improved, at least it is not worse. Her urine is currently free of bacteria and the Urologist said that the preventive antibiotic can be stopped for now. This is good news because I do worry about Maia becoming resistant to antibiotics. We've been concerned because she continues to have leakage between her scheduled catheterization. Dr. K recommended increasing the medication which softens her bladder walls, allowing it to hold more urine. I'm not excited about that due to side effects, but it is our only option. If things do not improve, we will have to consider surgery to enlarge Maia's bladder. Please pray that the medication works, we don't want to subject our sweet girl to another surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. So, the urology appointment was after lunch and following that was the appointment with our favorite Dr. S. Maia was not walking at the time of her last visit, so she was thrilled to see that progress. Dr. S was also very happy that Maia is vocalizing more sounds even though "no" is the only word we are hearing. Mark did ask about the possibility of starting fish oil for Maia. There are some studies showing that this may be beneficial in patients who have suffered brain injuries. And so even though Dr. S says it hasn't been confirmed, she is receptive to us trying this supplement for Maia. I'm excited about that!
That's most of what's happening in our world. Seems like we are so busy with appointments lately. I never imagined that we would be on the go so much when the kids were this young. I have no delusions that it will improve with time, though. My only hope is that somehow, I can become more organized and adept at dealing with all the chaos. Yep... I know, hope springs eternal!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Trick or treat
Pretty sure that we only have treats at our house!
And they are cute ones, too!
Transformer Matthew
I could gobble this little M&M up so easily!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Keeping busy with the kids
Appointments for the kids have kept us on the run already this week. But thought I would just share a brief update on how things are going.
Maia - She saw the developmental pediatrician yesterday. Her evaluation was not unexpected, but still a bit sobering to hear. Dr. S last saw Maia earlier this year and was so pleased with how well she was doing. Her sadness over Maia's illness and loss of function was evident. She confirmed that Maia is functioning at around the 9-10 month old level. She's pleased with how far Maia has come since leaving the hospital, but isn't making any predictions about how much function Maia will regain. Dr. S plans to see Maia again in four months.
Maia also saw Dr. D, the neurosurgeon yesterday afternoon. The surgical incisions have finally, almost healed. He is satisfied with her progress. We've been a bit concerned because Maia seems to be a bit more unsteady over the past week and not quite as strong. If we don't notice improvement over the next couple of weeks, she will have a short MRI just to make sure there are no issues with her shunt.
Today, Maia saw her regular pediatrician. We had requested the appointment because of the unsteadiness and feeling like Maia just hasn't been quite herself. She has been fighting a cold and Dr. A saw fluid behind her eardrums. Nothing concerning for infections, but it could certainly be affecting her balance. We also met with a county social worker to see if there are any services that Maia might be eligible for and benefit from. Unfortunately, I think we may be in that "donut hole" of making too much to qualify for most services, but not enough that we can afford them on our own. Lots of paperwork to fill out, then wait to hear their determination.
Tomorrow, she will have therapy as usual and next week, some urology testing and appointments.
Matthew - He's been struggling a bit lately. I don't feel comfortable sharing a great deal at this point, but we are concerned that he may have some attachment issues. Given his "pre-Hansen" years, it certainly is understandable. Last week, I received an email from an adoptive mom who met both of our kiddos when she was adopting from their orphanage. This was a few months before Maia's adoption. She confirmed something I had suspected from the moment I met Matthew. Again, I don't want to get too specific, but bottom line... Maia was the darling of the orphanage, Matthew was not. When I think about what both my children have endured in their short lives... oh, my heart breaks. Anyway, we are doing everything we can to help Matthew heal the emotional scars and learn what healthy relationships are all about.
Because I was concerned about some of the behaviors that Mark and I have been seeing, I asked to meet with Matthew's pre-school teachers - just to see how he was doing socializing with the other kids and how he was doing from a learning standpoint. I'm so glad that I did. It was wonderful to hear that Matthew is doing well at school. They are not seeing any of the behaviors that we are seeing at home and tell me that they enjoy having him in their classrooms. He is making progress in his language skills and can write part of his name "Matth" (working on the rest of it)! I can not even begin to express how much it means to me that his teachers are so committed to Matthew. I've said this before with Maia and it is only reinforced - we are blessed beyond compare with the teachers working with our kiddos - they are AWESOME!!
And that's what's happening with the kids. Matthew is looking forward to Halloween tomorrow and I will try to post pictures of trick-or-treating later in the day.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Winding down
Our time here in Duluth is coming to an end. It has been a wonderful, much needed get-a-way for Mark and me. Last night, we walked to a restaurant just down the street. Enjoyed a couple of adult beverages and relaxed. Even though we try to get out every now and then at home, we sometimes still carry all the daily stresses with us. On this trip, we've been able to leave that behind for the most part. Hopefully, it will allow us to return home tomorrow feeling little bit renewed.
Mark got the floor installed as planned and we will stop at the cabin tomorrow morning to pick up the trailer before heading home. I'm excited to see how things look! The conference has been good and I learned a lot about dermatological conditions.
And on a very cool note, I met a man who will be leaving for Ukraine very soon (next week, I think). He and his wife are adopting a little girl through Reece's Rainbow! Isn't it fun to see God make connections like that?
Although I have enjoyed our time away, I have to admit that I am eager to see our kiddos again. They could not be in better hands right now, but I still am ready to hear their giggles and look at those precious faces. I'm thankful today that the kids have been loved on by their grandparents, thankful for my hubby, and thankful for the many blessings that God has given me.
Mark got the floor installed as planned and we will stop at the cabin tomorrow morning to pick up the trailer before heading home. I'm excited to see how things look! The conference has been good and I learned a lot about dermatological conditions.
And on a very cool note, I met a man who will be leaving for Ukraine very soon (next week, I think). He and his wife are adopting a little girl through Reece's Rainbow! Isn't it fun to see God make connections like that?
Although I have enjoyed our time away, I have to admit that I am eager to see our kiddos again. They could not be in better hands right now, but I still am ready to hear their giggles and look at those precious faces. I'm thankful today that the kids have been loved on by their grandparents, thankful for my hubby, and thankful for the many blessings that God has given me.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thankful Thursday a bit late
I was too tired and yes, a tad lazy to post last night but I do have a huge amount of gratitude for Mark's and my parents right now.
Matthew is enjoying time with Grandmama and Grandpa Jerry (and Suki). Maia is being spoiled by Nana and Papa. Mark and I are spending a few days up north. I'm attending a Dermatology conference and the location is such that Mark is going to be working at our cabin during the day. Now that Maia is more mobile, we need more than just the plywood floor down so she doesn't get slivers. We had bought flooring several years ago, but had not installed it (somehow we've been a bit busy - lol). That's Mark's project for the next couple days. And we get the opportunity for some couple time which is a rare luxury these days.
So, thanks to our parents for this special gift!
Matthew is enjoying time with Grandmama and Grandpa Jerry (and Suki). Maia is being spoiled by Nana and Papa. Mark and I are spending a few days up north. I'm attending a Dermatology conference and the location is such that Mark is going to be working at our cabin during the day. Now that Maia is more mobile, we need more than just the plywood floor down so she doesn't get slivers. We had bought flooring several years ago, but had not installed it (somehow we've been a bit busy - lol). That's Mark's project for the next couple days. And we get the opportunity for some couple time which is a rare luxury these days.
So, thanks to our parents for this special gift!
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